Songs ’bout ‘batin’

The death at the relatively young age of 53 of Christina Amphlett of the Divinyls got me thinking about songs about masturbation.  There are tons of punks songs about ‘batin’ but as far as pop hits go, I could think of only three.

The Divinyls’ best known song:

I don’t remember ever seeing the video, but wow is this song laying it on thick.

I touch myself

I honestly do

Got it.  We believe you.  She likes someone, and masturbates when she thinks about him or her.

I don’t really remember the controversy around that song, I was in high school at the time, but wasn’t really following pop music.  I do, however, remember the controversy of this song:

It made the Filthy Fifteen!  The meaning of the song isn’t quite as in-your-face as the Divinyls, but there’s plenty of innuendo in the video.  The message- everyone does it!  This is a frank discussion of masturbation we rarely have in music.

The final one I could think of was this:

This one paints masturbation as something lonely bored people do.  Nothing sexy about this one.  It’s actually kind of a bummer.

Am I the only person who finds the bass line oddly evocative though?

badum bum bum bum…

Is it surprising that more male artists haven’t written songs about this?  No, not really.

Think about this- I can imagine a ton of women singing “I touch myself.”  Male singers?  Who could pull that off?  Maybe Prince.  Any other male singer would be either gross or sad.  Why?

I’d venture it’s because dudes like to use masturbation as a weapon.  Other than some crazy lady in Florida , most women aren’t likely to do it in front of anyone who didn’t ask them to.  I’m a dude and I’ve had a man expose himself to me.  It was late night in the bathroom at Denny’s.  I was looking at the mirror and a dude behind me had his dick out, nowhere near any toilet.  He was shaking it up and down.  I told my girlfriend  at the time about it and she said, “at least he wasn’t masturbating.”  Apparently she had recently seen some dude on a bus doing just that.

Porn is not helping this either.  You know what I’m talking about.

I’m not trying to make a case for dudes to go out and write songs about masturbation- every human in the world is free to write songs about whatever the hell they want to.  Nor do I have some song about masturbation that I’m afraid to play because of the reception it might get.  I’m a brave human when it comes to that, if I ever do write that song I will play it loud and proud.   But I am trying to make a case for men to fucking behave.

Anyway, there’s the whole of songs about masturbation that you can hear on the radio in the USA.  At least, the ones that aren’t metaphorical- like this:

Can anyone think of any others?



    1. That’s a classic. Thatcher on Acid had a song about ‘batin but I can’t remember the name. I don’t know if Beat Your Heart Out by the Zeros counts, but I like to think that it does.

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