I don’t want to win powerball and I won’t join your office pool

So powerball is up to $650000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 dollars now and inevitably there is the office pool.  $2 to join.  I didn’t join.  I don’t care.  I don’ t want to win.

When I feel like being a prick I bring up the fact that no one is going to win.  Not you, not no one you know.  Never.

Sure, maybe one of you might have a distant cousin or maybe you won yourself.  Still, doesn’t disprove the fact that the lottery is a tax on the innumerate.

I can’t do math beyond a junior high level (if that) but I know that a 1 in a billion chance is not a good one, no matter how great the potential payoff.

But anymore that’s not really why I don’t play.  I don’t want to win.  Here’s why:

I’d have to get all new friends.

It might have been cool if I had won back when I was younger, and could somehow buy my way into the celebrity LA class, but right now I am part of the working class/middle class.  And that wouldn’t work because:

Being the smartest, the richest, the coolest, the most talented sounds great, until you actually are.

Do you like being surrounded by dummies?  I don’t.  If you’re on a team, do you want to feel like everyone around you is worse than you?  Hell no.  So why would you want to be surrounded by poor saps?  I wouldn’t.  Right now I am smack in the middle of earnings of my friends, and that’s great.  If I were rich I’d be like-

Let’s go get steak, followed by cocktails at the blah blah blah fancy place, followed by a trip, by limo, to the titty bar, I’ve got a room at the W, you guys can crash there, if I don’t get lucky

And all my friends would be like, “are you buying?”

And that might be fun, for a while, but eventually, they’d want to go to regular old places.  But I wouldn’t be satisfied with them, and I’d wonder if they were just hanging out with me because I’m paying.  No one wins.

And even regular conversations would be fucked.

“I’m really bummed man, my car broke down.  I may have to sell it and get a new one”

“Dude, totally, I just got a new Lambo”

“Uh yeah.  And I think I might be getting laid off”

“OH RAD, now we can HANG OUT MORE!”

This is how you become THAT GUY.  And don’t even get me started on all the new employees, AKA your suddenly very extended family, you have to keep happy.

Honestly it sounds like a nightmare.

I know, if my coworkers all win and quit en masse, I’ll probably be bummed.  Oh well.


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